Explaining my crazy

Up until last week, I think I did a pretty decent job of hiding my crazy. I'm a planner and I like timelines and deadlines. So when our supposed "deadline" came and went last week, I did not take it well.

Just to review, we had our court date in Seoul on August 12, which was 5 weeks ago. We felt that the judge gave us a pretty positive response, despite not understanding why we have chosen adoption without infertility issues. After we left, we were told we would hear something in 3-4 weeks. We were bummed to leave Jonah but took comfort in knowing that he didn't really understand that we were leaving him and that he was being loved and well cared for. Plus, WE WERE SO TIRED!

Week 1-2 passed with a sense of "better go shopping so the kid has clothes" and "better get things at work settled" (yeah right). 

Week 3, I turned off my do not disturb setting at night because I didn't want to miss a thing. But...we heard nothing. I actually got a phone call from a blocked number and got crazy excited. I was at work where my cell phone barely works, so I ran to a spot where I had 2 bars. I had missed the call, so I called Tammy (she's my favorite person in the world to get email from). I was hoping it was her, but no. She told me then that the Korean Thanksgiving, Chuseok, was going to be celebrated the following week, so both the SWS office and the US Embassy would be closed for 3 days. Argh! I was starting to get frustrated but you can't begrudge them for celebrating Thanksgiving! Plus, it would be seriously wrong to take that sweet boy from his sweet foster family in the middle of a holiday.  Foster families get attached too!

Week 4, I was pretty calm through Wednesday because I knew they wouldn't be back to work til Thursday. By Thursday morning, I was giddy because I KNEW it would be the day. Nothing.

 I was fine until I started hearing about other families getting their travel call. 

Then the crazy started.... Don't get me wrong, I am totally thrilled for those families! We even met one of the families on our first trip so I was excited for them! But... Then I started wondering and worrying, because that's what people do when they have to meet the baby they have prayed for their whole life and then walk away from him for an undetermined amount of time. I really have turned into the mom from Home Alone who is hysterical to get home to her kid. I'd hire a Uhaul full of polka players and drive through the snow to get to him if I could. 

Week 5, well it's only been one day, but sweet Tammy put me in my place today. Pretty sure I've been driving her crazy with my whining about how other people got their travel call and "what if the judge hated us" or "what if they are going to deny us..."  She gently reminded me that it can take up to 6 weeks and every adoption is unique. And just like life in general, we'll go crazy comparing ourselves to everyone else(um, too late)... I knew those timelines would drive me nuts one day... And they did. 

So I am writing this for 2 reasons. One, people need to know I'm crazy and may lose it and say or do crazy things in the next few weeks. Just expect it and don't take it personally.  And people should stop telling me that parenting is hard because I have heard that and I am adequately freaked out about it. At this point, distractions are much better than constantly asking if we've had news. I totally appreciate all the people who ask, but I'm just saying, as nicely as possible, YOU WILL KNOW WHEN I HAVE HEARD SOMETHING GOOD. ;) 

The other reason is that I know adoptive parents and we are all grasping for any information we can get... So for those adoptive parents, I just want to help prepare you. This is madness! And it feels like it will never end! And it's hard! And you can say it's hard! And I know parenting in general is hard, but this is a special kind of torture that only adoptive parents get to go through, so only adoptive parents get it.  

So I'm just going to let myself be crazy for now. It might entertain some people. ;) I know God's got this and His timing has always been the best, so I'll just let Him keep it together and I'll just be a weird crazy mom who forgets nearly everything, checks email so many times the phone dies, burns the food, goes the wrong way on the interstate, has totally wacko dreams, laughs at stupid things, and barely sleeps even when there's plenty of time for it.  When Jonah comes home I will become a more normal kind of crazy mom. ;) 

What we have learned about Korea

This isn't so much about adoption as it is about being in Seoul. I know I'm not the only adoptive mom who scoured the internet looking for tips about coming here. Apparently I didn't scour enough because I packed too much! 

Lessons learned:

1. Travel: If a flight gets delayed at all, no matter how long the layover or cushion you may have to a connecting flight, go talk to the airline people. No one wants to be stuck waiting for a flight that might get cancelled. The neck pillow that goes all the way around is awesome. Korean air is amazing. Delta is evil. 

2. Packing: Don't bring warm clothes to Korea in the summer. Most of us wouldn't be able to stand the sight of them. Do bring some laundry detergent to do laundry and save packing space. Don't bring tank tops because Korean women don't show their shoulders (though they DO wear tiny tiny mini skirts and 4 inch heels). Makeup is pointless because it sweats off. fixing hair is pointless unless there is some magical goo out there that is impervious to insane amounts of humidity. 

3. There's a Starbucks on just about every block in Gangnam. Coffee drinkers heaven. Also bakeries and 7 11, everywhere.

4. People don't tip in Korea. No tipping at restaurants or cabs or whatever. It's an insult. 

5. I just read this morning that people are not supposed to talk loud on the subway or bus. Also everyone should give up their seats for the elderly, but I don't see much of that happening. It's really not that hard to get around... Just read the signs. 

6. The best restaurants are the little hole in the wall places. They wait for you to flag them down to get your order. 

7. Koreans are friendly but they don't really want you to walk up and start asking about their life. Example: everyone on the subway just stares at their phone. They don't interact. People are very trusting though. 

8. If there's a big trash can next to the toilet, it's there for a reason. Don't flush TP. 

9. Pretty sure the water is safe, or I'm having a delayed reaction ;) 

10. The wifi egg rental is awesome. You can reserve it online at Olleh. Get it at the airport after customs. Worth every penny especially when lost in Korea.

Saying bye bye... for now

We had our third visit with Jonah Daniel today. We were lucky to get an extra visit because we stayed a few extra days. He met us at the adoption agency for some more play time. He only made it about 10 minutes without foster mom, so we can tell it's going to be difficult for him when we come back to get him. But as we have heard from so many other adoptive families and attachment experts, it is a good thing that he is so attached to his foster mom. He will be more likely to attach well to us. 

We left the cameras at the hotel today because we didn't want to be distracted by feeling like we needed to take pictures. We took a few on our phones but mostly focused on just being with him. He is a very curious little man. He likes to inspect every little thing within reach. We both took some time to walk around showing him everything. He really liked moving with the oscillating fan on the wall (mommy was melting as usual in Korea). 

We saw some other kids and adoptive parents and he just walked right up to them to see what they were up to. He was more chatty today but not knowing korean, I couldn't tell if he was using actual words or just babbling. His foster mom kept referring to us as Mommy and Daddy but we aren't sure if he knows what that means. Plus, mommy and daddy just left him behind, so I kinda hope he doesn't know what it means yet. 

After our visit, we got to go to his doctors appointment with him. Foster mom said he would cry when he saw the doctor, which is exactly what he did. Poor little guy knew a needle was coming before it even came out. It broke my heart to see him crying and have to leave him. Luckily he calmed down pretty quickly, gave us hugs, and waved bye bye to us as we left. 

It was a rainy day in Seoul today, which fit our moods as we left. We still have a full day in Korea before we head back but I don't really care what else we do now. Just want to get the next few weeks over with as quickly as possible. We're thankful for all the prayers and encouragement we have gotten. We'll just do what we've been doing... Stay busy and pray it goes fast. 

Jonah day 2

Argh..I hate it when I write the whole thing and it disappears!

We just got back from seeing Jonah for the second time :) I was feeling rough before we went but it was fine once we got there.
Today we met at the adoption office so we got to see all the toys from the pictures we have seen. Jonah is Mr curious, so he checked out every toy in the room. He seems to like the loud ones best- of course ;)
We got to spend time alone with him in the playroom just hanging out. He stayed with us for a while before he got sad about foster mom. He made this hilarious yet pitiful face when he was about to get upset-looked like he was about to sneeze.
He enjoyed taking pictures of himself on the phone and really liked the little Linus piano they had.   I TOLD Zach he would be musical ;)
We just played for a while and goofed off. I used Google translate to tell him stuff in Korean but he was totally confused where the voice was coming from. Ha! We got some snuggles but he just wanted to roam today. plus he was tired.
We had a chance to ask foster mom some more stuff and get sizes, so now we can go shopping! She asked what his name will be and I told her the story about my dream. Hopefully she will start calling him Jonah more :-)
Some other little girls came in when we were about to leave. He made one cry-already a heartbreaker!
Once again we didn't have to say goodbye. We get to see him one more time in a week so we can avoid getting all upset. I'm good with that. We're off to explore and find him some toys today.
It's almost 90 degrees and the humidity is 94%. Hoping we don't melt!

The day we met our boy

Well I'm not entirely sure what day it is but this is the day we met Jonah Daniel. I think it's Thursday ;)
We were supposed to meet him yesterday but our day of travel turned into 2 days.

THE NIGHTMARE THAT IS DELTA
First plane out of Louisville got delayed but we had a 5 hour layover in Detroit planned, so we weren't worried. Then it got delayed again...still not worried...Then they said we aren't sure it's going anywhere today. So everyone else had already gotten other flights to Detroit and we were stuck.
We stood in line forever and called delta and our travel agent but the best anyone could get us was a reroute to JFK and the red eye flight to Korea that left 8 hours after our originally scheduled flight from Detroit.
The good news was that we were flying Korean Air, which is very nice and more expensive. And that we got to the airport so early we were first in line when they finally opened the ticket counter at 9 pm and we got the exit row. The bad news was that Zach was sick the entire flight and was completely miserable. Good thing we were by the lavatory... He couldn't hold anything down. Not sure if it was the inner ear infection he has, a virus, or what. He's mostly better now.
So KOREAN AIR rocks. They were very nice except for the part where they woke me up to eat  ;). Gave us dinner and breakfast, snazzy slippers to walk around in, a toothbrush and face wipes, and lots of free movies. Zach didn't really enjoy any of it but I did.

Wednesday
We finally got here at 4am. Luckily they had rescheduled our appointment to meet Jonah because we would have been a mess. Delta never sent Zach's suitcase to Korea but Korean Air took care of it and got it here late last night. Another ding on DELTA. (Yes, they are going to get a strongly worded letter.)
Zach literally slept all day. I laid down for a quick nap at noon and woke up at 6pm. Oops! Glad we brought lots of snacks and some microwave dinners. Wednesday was a bust.

TODAY was wonderful.
We got up early (of course after those long naps), went to starbucks, and met our case worker at the office just up the street. Her name is Mimi :)
They took us right over to Jonah's foster family's home. He lives on the 4th floor of a building with no elevator.
Walking in, we had no idea what to expect. We had asked if it was ok to take pictures and videos but we were both in awe for a few minutes before we realized we should be taking pictures. We walked in and said hello and his foster mom literally picked him up and held him out to me. I thought we would have to lure him with snacks and toys (too much watching the little couple), but our kid is not shy. :-)
He just kinda looked up at me and gave me the Hey look. Not freaked out or anything. Just curious. I thought I would cry like a big baby, but I was just so happy to see him. I honestly don't remember much of the first few minutes except staring at him.
We brought him over to the couch and gave him some gifts... totally forgot to bring him toys! Mom fail! But we did bring him a little purple hippo that he liked and a Louisville snow globe....which is not really toddler friendly but he loved it. We brought him a little Kentucky t-shirt and foster mom stripped him down to put it on him.
Foster dad was not there but we saw mom, big sis, and big brother. Guessing big sis is around 13 and big brother is maybe 14 or 15.  They had a nice big apartment, but we never saw Jonah's room. Oops! Mimi told us that Jonah is their first baby and they really love him. Foster mom asked how I was feeling after seeing him and I said I thought I'd be crying but I was just happy. She said she thought she would cry too. So glad they love him but it feels weird to take him from them.
She brought out some snacks for us and we got to see how grown up he is. He drank out of a cup like a little gentleman. Of course then the toddler side came back when he ate a puff snack that he did not like and chucked it in his cup of milk. ha!
He showed us his foster brother's turtle and he did some chin ups on an exercise bar! Well his big sis helped him ;) he was a real ham-making goofy faces for the camera. He knew phones so we showed him the pictures and videos we have on our phones. He loved seeing himself and Shelby was a big hit.
After a bit we went outside because he likes to go out. He kinda showed us around his neighborhood, and threw a little temper tantrum when big sis wouldn't let him go see the kids at the school across the street.  He showed Zach the grass and flowers at the little park, and then we attacked Zach with foxtail tickles ;). We got some hugs and snuggles, and I continued my family tradition of giving him a zerbert (some of y'all call it raspberry) which I think he thought was weird. ;)
We only got to see him for an hour but we get to see him again tomorrow and possibly a third time next week a day or two after our court date.
It feels real now!

The rest of the day, we did some errands (exchanged our money, found the famous emart) ate the best pbj sandwich ever, took yet another way too long nap, and finally tried some Korean food. They gave us a menu with English but it just said the main deal... We had no idea there would be tons of side dishes. We tried a couple things but the BEEF was wonderful! They cook it right there at your table and it is awesome. Yay for bulgogi!

So now we're caught up. We bought more pillows today so we're ready for a good snooze. Jonah comes to us tomorrow so we will meet him either in the adoption office or the playroom in the guesthouse. Hoping to ask foster mom more questions this time. :-)
Not thinking about the leaving him part just yet...Just focusing on the part where we get to hug him :)

Korea is taking us to court!

REALITY: 

About 2 days ago, I felt like I should update the blog, but all I could think to say was how close to insanity I was. 

Since our last post, we found out that our Emigration Permit (EP) was finally approved on May 29, 4 months after submission. Then our paperwork was submitted to the court. It took them about 3 weeks which was very frustrating for us. I know, we've waited this long, what's 3 weeks? ;) considering we were originally told we could travel as early as April, it has been a long wait. 

THE ROLLERCOASTER: 

On Tuesday, I finally discovered a well-hidden/secret group on Facebook, the Adoption families in process for Korea group. It's a group of lots of people throughout the world adopting from Korea but the wonderful/awful part of being in the group is access to a timeline with a load of people listed. 

On the positive side, it's great to have people who understand what this insanity feels like and it's wonderful when someone gets news. 

On the negative side, when you see a bigger picture of how things are playing out in Korea, it can make an organized person flip out.

 Don't get me wrong, Korea is a wonderful program and we are glad we went this route, but there are some people going through some seriously long waits while others fly right through(like us apparently).

It's like if we all went to the license branch and took a number but they just picked numbers at random instead of in order. I might be able to deal with that at the license branch (with something tasty to snack on and a book maybe), but I like to know what's happening with a huge life-altering event such a this. 

So with this timeline, I drove myself crazy trying to predict when our court date would be and when we would get the call. After much obsessing, I realized there was no magic formula. We could get the Friday judge that takes months to summons people, but they all still love him. Or we could get the Wednesday judge who only has one hearing a month.

 Last night, as I sat in a living room with my small group and we talked about intercessory prayer, I asked everyone to pray for the Tuesday or Wednesday judge. I just couldn't handle possibly waiting til October for the Friday judge. Kennett will have to pray every week now, because less than 12 hours later, I got an email that said we have been given a court date on TUESDAY August 12. Seoul is 13 hours ahead of us, so when we prayed for those judges at 8:30pm our time, they were beginning their work day and putting us on the list. My mama likes to say "prayer changes things" and this is proof. 

So WE ARE THRILLED! 

I woke up this morning just not feeling quite right, probably because my stomach has been in knots all week. ;) so I decided not to go to work. 20 minutes after that, I got the email from AIAA. Their office was closed today for the holiday weekend, but Tammy knew I would want to know so she emailed anyway. Good thing I wasn't driving to Henry county! 

I spent the entire day working on plane tickets. I emailed several agencies for quotes, called Delta, wrestled with the Korean Air website that wasn't working, tried Kayak, expedia, etc. We didn't get the fabulous price we were hoping for, but we did get a relatively quick flight with limited stops. August is a busy travel time for Korea, so we were lucky to get what we did. 

THE TRIP:

We'll be travelling for 12 days (we had to be there for 7, takes 24 hours to get there, and it's cheaper to fly on certain days) and we will hopefully be staying in the guesthouse which is within walking distance of the SWS office where we will meet Jonah Daniel for the first time. :) 

We have to be there a week before our court date so they can take pictures when we meet him. They will submit those to the court before we actually go. 

We will get to see him but we don't know how much. We will just hope for more than one visit and see what happens. 

BEYOND:

For those who don't know, we will be taking 2 trips. After our court date, the judge has to notify the birth mother once again and see if she has changed her mind. Then we should be able to go back and bring him home 4-6 weeks after the court date. I'm thinking "yay, just in time for fall!" But Zach's probably thinking "just in time for football!" ;) 

A HUGE THANK YOU to everyone who has been praying for, loving on, and PUTTING up with us! The crazy isn't over but at least we have a date. Please pray for our sanity, for perseverance to keep working to pay for travel and maternity leave, for that lovely Tuesday judge, and always for our sweet little Jonah Daniel who is walking now but a little unsure of himself. We're ready to see that smile in person. ;) 

The long wait

Not much to report right now except this mama is going crazy. For the past few months, we have been anxiously awaiting an update from Korea. We were supposed to get a DVD weeks ago but it didn't turn out and now we have to wait for another. 

We specifically asked about how big he is and if he is walking and talking. Still no idea! It would also be nice to know his size so we can shop a little. I've been having a good time at the clearance rack ;) 

I have posted on Facebook about my suspicions on when we will travel, so I should probably explain that.  I follow a blog, MPAK, located at mpakusa.blogspot.com.  It's a great resource about what's going on in Korea and with other adoptive parents around the world. It seems like most of us are bursting to know how others are doing so we can be encouraged and know SOMETHING is happening. 

My hope is that our court date will be in July and that we will travel back in August to bring Jonah home. This is all a guess based on what others have said on the blog.  Our EP (Emigration Permit, which is permission for the child to leave the country) paperwork was submitted in January, so we are waiting on approval for that. 

Based on the blog:

- several EPs submitted in December were approved from Feb-April.

- one couple from Denmark had their EP approved April 17, heard about it in May. a few weeks later they got a court date, though they were never notified of being submitted to the courts. Their court date is in late June.

- one US family just found out that theirs was submitted to the court in feb and they are awaiting their court date. 

- another family in a different welfare system (there are 3-we are with SWS) was submitted after us and have already receive their EP approval and court date.

Apparently there is no rhyme or reason. 

There was an abuse case in which a little boy was killed after being adopted by an American man in the NSA. This had a huge impact on the whole Korean international adoption process. Before that happened, people were generally waiting 3 months for EP approval, then getting a court date within 4-6 weeks. 

There is a judge who recently said he tries to keep the court phase to 3 months. 

So my hope is that we will get EP approval any day, get a court date in July, and go back a month later for Jonah.  Again this is just a guess, but it helps me to keep my head from exploding over the unknown. A guess gives me hope.  A big empty nothing makes me feel crazy. 

So that's where we are :). 

Waiting on The Lord... psalm 27

Stalled again....

We found out about a week ago that adoptive families are now being asked to complete a psychological battery of tests due to the recent death of an adoptive child at the hands of his father.
We are actually grateful that the country did not completely shut down international adoption, but this is frustrating as we know it will delay us even more.
We have been hearing rumors of delays getting in with a psychologist, expensive evaluations, and delays due to the time required to process and translate the test results.
We were hoping we would be getting ready to travel by now, so this is not fun news.
Jonah is growing up. We're so grateful he has a foster family to love and protect him, but being away from him is indescribably difficult.
Prayers, as always, are much appreciated. As far as we know, we don't get to start the countdown to 4-6 months yet... Even when the answer is "wait", it sure does help to hear how long...

More info about Korean adoption:
http://mpakusa.blogspot.com/2014/03/a-family-court-justice-orders-full.html#comment-form

Still waiting...

Some of you may have been wondering where we have been ... We've just been busy! Zach started a new job (still at GE) working an average of 60 hours a week and I have been pushing my limits with my 3 jobs, plus we have been getting ready for Jonah... The paperwork never ends! 

We have been waiting to update because we were waiting for news...but we haven't really had any news lately.  We were originally told that we would be told when the Social Welfare system (SWS) handed our paperwork over to the Korean ministry. It was supposed to take no more than 2 months but it has been since December and we have not heard yet. We were finally told that once the Korean ministry has our paperwork that it would be 4-6 months before we travel. Originally we were prepared to be traveling any day now but it looks more like it will be summer. We are doing our best not to get frustrated with the system because we knew it would be unpredictable. And no we can't just go over there and try to speed things along (yes, we've been asked that question). 

Another question we've been asked is "isn't this driving you crazy?" And the answer is yes, of course! We think about him constantly and pray that he is healthy and happy. It's impossible knowing that he is missing time with his forever family, learning the language, learning what it is like to be loved, and so much more. Choosing adoption is not the easy route, it's a rough gut wrenching rollercoaster, but even in the middle of the horrible torturous part, we know we are exactly where we are supposed to be. 

We know some people were waiting to hear about Lifesong. We finally heard from them and are approved as one of their families. We did not get the matching grant but we are able to receive funds through them. Anyone who donates would be able to make it a tax deductible donation. Here are details:

Checks should be payable to “Lifesong for Orphans. In the memo, note “family account number” and “family name” (Thelen / #4231) to assure it goes to the correct account. Please mail to Lifesong for Orphans, PO Box 40, Gridley, IL  61744.  Lifesong has been blessed with a partner that underwrites all U.S. administrative and fund-raising costs (TMG Foundation and other partners). That means 100% of your donation will go directly to the adoption.

To pay online go to www.lifesongfororphans.org/give/donate. Select “Give to an Adoptive Family.” Complete the online form and fill in “Family Account Number” and “Family Name” fields. Note PayPal charges an administrative fee (2.9% + $.30 USD per transaction). Your donation will be decreased by the amount of this fee.

NOTE: In following IRS guidelines, your donation is to the named non-profit organization. This organization retains full discretion over its use, but intends to honor the donor’s suggested use.

Individual donations $250 or more and yearly donations totaling $250 or more will receive a tax-deductible receipt. Receipts for donations under $250, will gladly be sent upon request. Lifesong is a 501(c)3  tax exempt organization.

We have already been blessed so much by all the support! If you feel led to give, we are still raising funds for travel and the follow up visits with our case worker... There may be 2 trips required so we don't have an exact amount. 

Also the Adoption Tax Credit which allows so many families, including us, to pursue adoption is in trouble once again. We would not be able to adopt if it weren't for the tax credit making it more affordable. If you would be willing, please consider writing your legislators asking them to save the tax credit. More info here : 

http://adoptiontaxcredit.org/advocate 

Hopefully we will have more news to post soon! 

For now, please pray with us: 

Most importantly that Jonah would continue to be safe, healthy, and happy

That those involved with his case from the Korean end would be efficient and speedy

That Jonah's foster family would be blessed and given wisdom to watch over him

That we would be filled with peace and patience and given strength to get through this "wilderness" experience

Thanks for your support everyone!