Just to review, we had our court date in Seoul on August 12, which was 5 weeks ago. We felt that the judge gave us a pretty positive response, despite not understanding why we have chosen adoption without infertility issues. After we left, we were told we would hear something in 3-4 weeks. We were bummed to leave Jonah but took comfort in knowing that he didn't really understand that we were leaving him and that he was being loved and well cared for. Plus, WE WERE SO TIRED!
Week 1-2 passed with a sense of "better go shopping so the kid has clothes" and "better get things at work settled" (yeah right).
Week 3, I turned off my do not disturb setting at night because I didn't want to miss a thing. But...we heard nothing. I actually got a phone call from a blocked number and got crazy excited. I was at work where my cell phone barely works, so I ran to a spot where I had 2 bars. I had missed the call, so I called Tammy (she's my favorite person in the world to get email from). I was hoping it was her, but no. She told me then that the Korean Thanksgiving, Chuseok, was going to be celebrated the following week, so both the SWS office and the US Embassy would be closed for 3 days. Argh! I was starting to get frustrated but you can't begrudge them for celebrating Thanksgiving! Plus, it would be seriously wrong to take that sweet boy from his sweet foster family in the middle of a holiday. Foster families get attached too!
Week 4, I was pretty calm through Wednesday because I knew they wouldn't be back to work til Thursday. By Thursday morning, I was giddy because I KNEW it would be the day. Nothing.
I was fine until I started hearing about other families getting their travel call.
Then the crazy started.... Don't get me wrong, I am totally thrilled for those families! We even met one of the families on our first trip so I was excited for them! But... Then I started wondering and worrying, because that's what people do when they have to meet the baby they have prayed for their whole life and then walk away from him for an undetermined amount of time. I really have turned into the mom from Home Alone who is hysterical to get home to her kid. I'd hire a Uhaul full of polka players and drive through the snow to get to him if I could.
Week 5, well it's only been one day, but sweet Tammy put me in my place today. Pretty sure I've been driving her crazy with my whining about how other people got their travel call and "what if the judge hated us" or "what if they are going to deny us..." She gently reminded me that it can take up to 6 weeks and every adoption is unique. And just like life in general, we'll go crazy comparing ourselves to everyone else(um, too late)... I knew those timelines would drive me nuts one day... And they did.
So I am writing this for 2 reasons. One, people need to know I'm crazy and may lose it and say or do crazy things in the next few weeks. Just expect it and don't take it personally. And people should stop telling me that parenting is hard because I have heard that and I am adequately freaked out about it. At this point, distractions are much better than constantly asking if we've had news. I totally appreciate all the people who ask, but I'm just saying, as nicely as possible, YOU WILL KNOW WHEN I HAVE HEARD SOMETHING GOOD. ;)
The other reason is that I know adoptive parents and we are all grasping for any information we can get... So for those adoptive parents, I just want to help prepare you. This is madness! And it feels like it will never end! And it's hard! And you can say it's hard! And I know parenting in general is hard, but this is a special kind of torture that only adoptive parents get to go through, so only adoptive parents get it.
So I'm just going to let myself be crazy for now. It might entertain some people. ;) I know God's got this and His timing has always been the best, so I'll just let Him keep it together and I'll just be a weird crazy mom who forgets nearly everything, checks email so many times the phone dies, burns the food, goes the wrong way on the interstate, has totally wacko dreams, laughs at stupid things, and barely sleeps even when there's plenty of time for it. When Jonah comes home I will become a more normal kind of crazy mom. ;)
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